Friday, September 18, 2009

My name is Nick and I have a problem...

I have often heard that the first step in working through or defeating a struggle is to admit the struggle.  To that end I have, for a long time, struggled with self righteous angst against petty things not worthy of angst.  I boil up with rage against anything main stream just because it's main stream.  Liking things that most people don't like (i.e. acquired taste music like Frank Zappa or Tom Waits) and disliking things that too many people like is a badge of honor that I often wear with pride.  Long ago I realized that disliking something just because other people like it is pretty much the same thing as liking something just because other people like it.  However, this realization alone has not been enough to squelch my snobbery.  Ultimately, that's what it is.  I use this cultural elitism to build myself up and to judge others.  It is a club of my own concocting to give myself worth... to fight against those who didn't let me into the clubs they concocted.  This hasn't resulted in happiness though.  So what if you like Phil Collins... think his music is great.  So what if you buy the latest popular album only to find it an embarrassment later (Do you have a Limp Bizkit album?).  This shouldn't make me angry.  This is not a proper measuring stick of someone's worth.  I think I can still enjoy the tastes I have acquired over my life without belittling the tastes others have acquired over their lives.  I also don't think the angst I have over felt over these petty trivial things is worth while.  Life is too short to waste so much of it upset for no good reason.  So I am going to give it up.  I feel better already.

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